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Author Topic: Time for a FINAL DRAFT  (Read 3477 times)
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djr33

« on: June 23, 2005, 08:21:25 AM »

Alright, so we have a rough here. Let's get working on a final. What you will do is take the script and look for "errors" or  changes you would like to make in it. Then post here and we will discuss. Someone will be put in charge of the script, but for the moment, I'm not sure who.

NITROBLADE's SCRIPT, "My Boss is an Alien from Outer Space"

If you wish to view in post-format, click here:
http://thebrbforums.com/index.php?showtopi...indpost&p=18128


If you would rather download a .doc, here:
Right Click Save As. .doc format.
« Last Edit: June 28, 2005, 02:20:54 PM by djr33 » Logged
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Yodaman

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« Reply #1 on: June 28, 2005, 05:41:53 AM »

I'm reading the script and I noticed a mistake- in the part with the News Reporter she says the aliens have a message for all humans and it says ìWeíre all screwedî. Shouldn't it be "You're all screwed", since the aliens have more power and are going to kill all the humans?


WILL (to ship)
Hey you stinking aliens! Thatís right! You stink! And youíre ugly with your green slime oozing everywhere! I think youíre mothers are cows and probably taste like them too!


That's a really bad line.
« Last Edit: June 28, 2005, 05:44:09 AM by Yodaman » Logged

I'm Yoda. I'm soldier. I mold ya, then fold ya, I thought I told ya. Don't be unwise, judge me not by my size. You won't believe your eyes. Watch the X-Wing rise.

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djr33

« Reply #2 on: June 28, 2005, 02:20:05 PM »

(Moved your post so that its in this topic rather than the one dedicated  to pre-production)


1- I agree about the line... but saying "you're all doomed" sounds like its not her as well.

Here is what I suggest:

REPORTER: (Reading from notes) "You're all doomed." (She looks frightened, and half drops, half releases the note cards. She looks down and talks slowly, in fear, quietly) ...We're all doomed.
CUT TO: Generic Station Down Graphic



As for the second line.... the point seems to be that its bad. Half of the fun of this movie is the absurdity of it.

We really should discuss that though... do we want something so cheesy, on purpose? I think it would be fun but also... well... cheesy.

If we do go with it, then there's no reason not to have the line. It would be so funny to see that in context.

but you are right... its NOT realistic. the question... do we want that or not?
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Nitro Blade



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« Reply #3 on: June 29, 2005, 07:19:28 AM »

Well when I wrote it the point was to be completly absurd and off the wall. I didn't feel like having Hal to convince all of them that his boss is an alien, so why not make this slightly absurd world to make it fun? Sometimes it will come down to the acting I suppose, sort of like in the movie Hitchhickers Guide to the Galaxy, how some of the acting really caught the absurdity of Douglas Adams comedy, which made it purely fun.

However, at the same time, I agree with Yodaman, that's a really really bad line. I couldn't come up with anything so I just wrote to get that scene done. We can keep it absurd, but make it a good line as well. Doesn't mean we have to make it realistic or anything.

As for the reporter, I'm a bit out of it today, but I'll give it a shot. Why not:

Reporter: (reads cue card carefully) You're All Doomed (smiles) And that concludes todays programing. Thank you for watching and well see you tomorow.

Ending Music as the reporter fixes his papers. He then stops for a second a bit confused and shocked and just before they cut him off:

Reporter: wait, what!?

Quick Cut To:
« Last Edit: June 29, 2005, 07:22:07 AM by Nitro Blade » Logged
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djr33

« Reply #4 on: June 29, 2005, 09:38:52 AM »

Nitro, the reason I rewrote it like I did was that it had more impact. news reporters are distant. When you hear something, its kinda relevant... but once even they are affected too... its a bigger thing.

So... why don't you just change "wait, what" to "...we're all doomed"
would be funny and get the point accross.

That way, it makes it clear who the note is referring to.
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Funk, E

« Reply #5 on: June 29, 2005, 10:19:53 AM »

..No, I like the 'Wait, what?" much more.  It's a very 'real' line--I've done some news work, and you don't really pay attention to what you're saying, it's just coming out of your mouth and takes you a minute or two to actually digest what you're saying.  Also, it's funnier.  'We're all doomed' is a pretty juvenile line to throw in, IMO.
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JohnMoore



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« Reply #6 on: June 29, 2005, 12:30:47 PM »

Amen Funk!

If it's not, 'Wait.... What?'

It should be.. 'Or.... wait....'.

You know.  'See you tomorrow'  'Or.... wait...'

Whatever.

I like 'Wait, what?' the best.  Roxorz it does.
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Nitro Blade



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« Reply #7 on: June 30, 2005, 08:56:14 AM »

Funk hit it right on the nail. Not that it's not a good choice for "We're all doomed", but like Funk said, it's not a natural reaction and it looks like we're TRYING to be funny instead of cracking a joke. Because of that we're risking if people laugh at it or it just being a cheesy line. Also the actor might be able to perform it beter if it's a natural line like that, because if the actor had to perform "We're all doomed" it might not come out the way we want it to, and therefore in the end might not be funny. We're not getting prefesional comedians to play these roles, remember that. I hope I'm making sense,lol.
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