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Author Topic: I have discovered the secret of relationships...  (Read 2991 times)

Nitro Blade



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« on: May 22, 2005, 02:48:53 PM »

Well, after a recent break-up, I've had time to think over what went wrong, and how I can do better in the next relationship. After all, what they say is if you don't learn from what you did wrong in your last relationship, then you'll keep making that mistake. After a lot of thinking, I think I've figured it out. What do you think?

Well, first of all, we have reality, and fantasy, right? Fantasy: People fall in love, and nothing stands in their way, and they live happily ever after. Movies shape this image. However, reality is that most people break-up at one point in their life, people that get married especially are unhappy later on in life. Most people I know had their parents separate, but mine were fine, and it created this image of hope for love and marriage, but then they separated. Now, this isn't always, and some people do find someone for the rest of their lives, but lots of times it never works out, and I think I've figured out why.

Now, from my friends, both sexes, and from my ex's (about me), they broke up with their significant others for one big reason, space. They may be in love, they may be crazy about each other, but if one doesn't get enough space, they're not happy.

Now, I started to think of what I wanted out of a relationship. I thought I wanted to be one with the person I'm with. To do everything with them, that's why I broke up with my recent Ex with an understanding. We wanted different things. She wanted space, I wanted to be joined at the hip.  But then I thought, ok, this is unrealistic, right? I mean, after a while you lose your steam, and one person buckles, or they lose interest in each other later down the line, you know?

Relationships, if they work, are meant to be forever (at least that's what society has told us), unless you're just dating for fun. Love, relationships and all these things are man made creations. So what is it? Are they meant to just not work? I always want to spend time with whoever Iím dating, which is why I was so mentally possessive with my two Exís, but what about down the road? It would wear us down, we would lose steam. Do we just get pissed with the person later down the road after living with them? Do we just get fed up with their habits, lose interest, cheat? But, love is also something bigger than life at the same time. We can all feel it. Itís real, not something made up.

So, I had to re-think, what is it I want in a relationship? Well, I want a girl who I can talk to. Someone, who when something happens, sheís the first person I WANT to tell. I want someone who will let me live my life, but at the same time be there for me during hard times. I want someone who I can hold hands with and wrap my arms around. Now, what is this? Itís fairly simple what I want. I always thought what I wanted was so complex.

Think about good relationshipsÖ how are they around each other. Are they possessive? No. Are they always together, attached at the hip? No. I remember hearing about a relationship, where they husband always has to travel. He goes somewhere else for his job for about a month, then comes home for a month, and does this all the time because of work. They were very good together, because when he came back, they celebrated being together like its fresh every time. So it got me thinking. I also have seen my friends relationships, some of them have lasted for 2 years now!

Now, how does this work? What is this person suppose to be? I also remember hearing that the best person to fall in love with is your best friend. And it seems like those are always the strongest relationships. Youíre BEST FRIEND. Of course! Smiley Iíve heard some people say it before, but it never hit me how, or why, which is what Iíve figured out.

Think about it. Your best friend is always there for you. You like hanging out with your best friend, but you donít NEED to hang out with them. You donít need to think things like ìwhere are they?î or ìare they cheating on me?î You donít need to think ìAre they losing interest in me?î Because the thing about your best friends is, not only do you know each other very well, but they just KNOW that the other person is their friend, no questions asked.

So the saying is true, and Iíve heard it from other people, dating, should be like being with a best friend, just with intimacy, which is what makes it different. The problem is people let this intimacy rule them like a primal instinct, or people just lose interest after all of this intimacy, so whatís left?

I had a great friendship with my first girlfriend, we were friends for 2 years before dating, but I let the intimacy rule me, and I got possessive, always getting worried sheíd lose interest in me, so I tried to spend more time with her, do things to keep her. That didnít work. Then with my second GF I moved too fast. We started dating almost right away, and we didnít really know each other. Things weíre going great, but I yet again got possessive and let my intimacy get the best of me. For my next relationship, Iíll enter it with a better mind frame, and scrap all these rules and guidelines for a relationship, and treat it like it should be, a friendship, and thatís it (with a bit of kissing and hugging Wink).

So what do you guys think? Am I right? Have I discovered the secret? Or am I completely wrong? DiscussÖ

EDIT: Yeah, I know, some people have heard this before, so have I, but it never really stuck to me, and I didn't really understand it before, you know?
« Last Edit: May 22, 2005, 03:03:37 PM by Nitro Blade » Logged
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Mrdodobird

« Reply #1 on: May 22, 2005, 03:10:01 PM »

Yup!  Cheesy

 
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Nitro Blade



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« Reply #2 on: May 22, 2005, 03:29:15 PM »

Lol, gee, thanks for the great insightful discussion. Wink

Most people I'm showing this too are saying they already live by that mentality. That's a good thing though.
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Fig



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« Reply #3 on: May 22, 2005, 04:30:27 PM »

way tl dr
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Funk, E

« Reply #4 on: May 22, 2005, 06:47:44 PM »

The secret to relationships:

1) Be honest.  This includes with yourself.

2) Communicate often with this same honesty.

Bam.
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Nitro Blade



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« Reply #5 on: May 23, 2005, 06:43:40 AM »

Good advice Funk-E. You're right.

One thing missing is also "Listen closely to her" This is obvious, but even I thought I was, and I did in most cases, but there were few instances where I didn't... and it took me some time to realize this and I slaped myself in the forehead.

Fig.... wha?
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Nitro Blade



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« Reply #6 on: May 23, 2005, 07:25:39 AM »

I was just thinking, everything Funk-E said, and what I said about listening... wouldn't that just come naturally with your best friend anyways?
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Funk, E

« Reply #7 on: May 23, 2005, 08:00:02 AM »

It should, but it doesn't always.  As for listening..I think that kinda falls into communication, doesn't it?4
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Fig



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« Reply #8 on: May 23, 2005, 08:51:20 AM »

way too long didn't read
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Nitro Blade



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« Reply #9 on: May 23, 2005, 08:59:31 AM »

Good point Funk-E

Fig... why'd you post the message then? What point was there? Fine, it was long, but I'm not going to shorten it for you.
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Funk, E

« Reply #10 on: May 23, 2005, 09:20:04 AM »

Just an old forum joke, Nitro.  You'd have to be a bigger dork than you are to get it.
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Nitro Blade



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« Reply #11 on: May 23, 2005, 09:59:27 AM »

I guess I'll just take that as a compliment. Wink
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Funk, E

« Reply #12 on: May 23, 2005, 10:56:37 AM »

You probably should.
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ccfilms



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« Reply #13 on: May 23, 2005, 11:23:41 AM »

Love is not a man made creation, but coming from your athiesitc moral relativist world view, I'll be just punching at the wind to explain what i mean, so i won't.
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Nitro Blade



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« Reply #14 on: May 23, 2005, 06:06:27 PM »

Umm, ouch man.

Dude, I was just writing down thoughts. I take it offensively when someone calls me that. Especially calling me atheistic. I see no reason why my views are atheistic.  I beleive in God and Jesus and I go to church. My views, although a bit depressing (hey, I just went through a break-up, what do you expect?), are also open to interpretation and discussion. So to tell me that you'll just be punching in the wind, again, ouch. I wouldn't judge someone before you really know who they are. If I'm wrong, then tell me. that's why I said to discuss it after. I have a very open mind, but, oh yeah, you don't know who the hell I am!

What I meant to say was that the image we have about love between a man and a woman, where love conquers all, is man made. Not nessecarily untrue, but it's man made. That's my fault for not explaining it fully. Again, if I'm wrong, tell me, that's the point of this thread.

Love is not man made. Like I mentioned a little bit later on in the exact same paragraph, love is just something you feel. Ahem "But, love is also something bigger than life at the same time. We can all feel it. Itís real, not something made up."

Please read everything before jumping to conclusions and pushing my buttons, thank you.
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