Nitro Blade
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« Reply #1 on: June 09, 2005, 12:43:18 PM » |
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It might look a bit messed up here, but if you want the word document in proper format, which is much easier to read IMO, just send my a PM with you're e-mail adress.
My Boss is an
Alien from Outer Space
Screenplay
by
Jonathan Starr
Thursday, June 9th, 2005
EXT. MAGICAL FOREST ñ CAVE ENTRANCE - DAY
A man in a simple white collar stripped shirt and tie is wielding a sword and a shield as he walks through this beautiful misty, supernatural looking forest. Plants are purple and green and yellow, mist seems to come from the trees, strange creatures run around everywhere, it looks to be daytime, but itÃs still very dark and gloomy.
The man with the sword finds an entrance to a large and dark cave. Inside it appears to be bright by fire.
You can hear a woman SCREAMING and fire EXPLODING.
The man creeps up to the cave carefully.
MAN
IÃm coming Fiora!
He runs into the cave, itÃs huge and deep, with a turn near the end. Suddenly, from that corner, a huge dragon walks in with LOUD FOOTSTEPS. The dragon looks at the man and puffs out a puff of smoke.
The man look terrified when suddenly the dragon breathes fire towards the man. We follow in the fire along for a ride as it rushes towards the man and it hitÃs his shield which he brought up to protect him.
Everything is engulfed in flames as we FLASH CUT TO:
INT. OFFICER BUILDING ñ CUBICLE ñ DAY
The man we saw in the previous scene, whoÃs name is HAL, is wearing the same thing, the white collar stripped shirt and tie and has his head on his desk, sleeping.
Small pieces of metal keep hitting him, which makes him flinch each time. He finally snaps his head up from his sleep and looks at the man doing it in disgust.
HAL
Quit it!
Another man in a white collar shirt and tie, named WILL, is chewing gum and is holding a stapler, shooting Hal with the staples. He stops.
WILL
Did you get the new memo?
HAL
What memo?
A girl named Cindy, and a guy named Paul walk up to HalÃs cubicle.
CINDY
The one about the new cover pages we have to use for the income DP documents.
PAUL
This is god damn annoying. Jerry is getting out of control, changing system procedures here, switching document DP covers. WhatÃs next? He acts like he owns this place.
A beat.
HAL
Is this what you guys always thought you would end up doing in life?
CINDY
Here we go again.
HAL
I mean I always thought I would be traveling the world, become a famous writer. Not be stuck in a dead end job like this.
PAUL
(Chuckling)
They turned down your latest book, did they? The one aboutÖ what was it, Brain eating monkeys?
Everyone laughs, except for Hal.
HAL (to Paul)
Shut upÖ and they were zombie monkeys, well not exactly zombies butÖ doesnÃt matter! I donÃt see you doing any better, Paul. YouÃre the one that wanted to be an Aeronautics engineer for NASA.
CINDY
I wanted to be a musician for the London symphony orchestra.
WILL
And I wanted to be George Lucasà Limo Driver. That man is a godÖ
Everyone is off in their own world, their eyes all dreamy as they SIGH.
Suddenly this beautiful and striking woman appears at the water jug. HalÃs eyes are diverted to her. He stares as if entranced in her beauty.
She looks around in an awkward manner, standing there sipping her drink. She sees Hal looking at her. She then smiles and gives Hal a shy wave.
Hal is freaked out and pulls his head below the cubicle wall in a snap. Cindy, Paul, and Will all see her waving and they wave back.
They all look at Hal hiding behind the wall.
WILL
You big pansy!
CINDY
SheÃs right there all aloneÖ go talk to her.
HAL
(Frightened)
I canÃtÖ
PAUL
YouÃre going to die alone, you know that? An old man, withering away.
CINDY
Shut up, shut upÖ
Suddenly a snazzy looking man holding a cup of coffee walks up to the four friends. His name is JERRY.
JERRY
So what is this, some sort of office party? I wasnÃt invited, whoÃs the B-Day Boy or GirlÖ
Suddenly Jerry starts laughing, a strange laugh as if he though he were some sort of comic. No one else laughs, just looking at him strangely. Jerry sees this and his cocky smile turns into an angry frown, slightly angry.
JERRY (to Hal)
Did you get the memo about the DP documents, Hal?
HAL
(Defensive)
Yeah.
JERRY
(Sipping on coffee)
Goooooood.
Jerry suddenly looks towards the water jug and sees Fiora standing there, looking around awkwardly. Jerry looks at her intrigued, one eye brow above the other, ready to pounce on his prey.
JERRY (to self)
Fine specimenÖ
Jerry then walks over to Fiora. He laughs at something he said, and Fiora does a fake laugh. He points to his office, as if he needs to talk to her. She nods her head and goes with him, but not before looking at Hal and giving him a shy wave. Hal doesnÃt react.
PAUL
I hate himÖ
HAL
How am I supposed to compete with a man like Jerry?
CINDY
Trust me Jerry isnÃt a man.
CUT TO:
INT. OFFICE BUILDING ñ JERRYÃS OFFICE ñ DAY
Fiora is sitting in front of Jerry as he sits in his desk. HeÃs going through some papers.
JERRY
I must say that youÃve been doing an exceptional job here. YouÃre reports are always in on time, and, well what can I say, youÃre strikingly beautifulÖ for a human that is.
Suddenly JerryÃs face turns into something else. HeÃs an alien and a disgusting one at that.
Suddenly through the cracks in the door, a light appears like a scanner in a photocopier. Something strange is going on in that office.
Just outside the office is Hal, photocopying something, the light seems to resemble what was coming through the crack of the doors. Hal looks strangely at the door of JerryÃs office.
He decides to open the door and sees Jerry sitting backwards. Jerry turns around and Hal sees that Jerry is an alien.
Hal screams out.
JERRY
(Confused)
What is it? Do I have something on my tie?
Hal canÃt move. He just stares at Jerry, with his alien face, whoÃs trying to wipe something off his tie.
JERRY
Ugh, IÃll try at the bathroom.
Hal is hyperventilating as Jerry passes Hal at the door to go to the bathroom. Hal stands in shock.
Hal takes a look at JerryÃs desk, and for some reason is drawn to a stone on the desk. He reaches for it and stares at it. It looks foreign. He puts it into his pocket.
He then sees a pad on JerryÃs desk. ItÃs a ìto doî list.
To do list:
-Bother Hal
-Get DP Documents Done
-Flirt with Lunch Lady
-Eat Lunch
-Bother Hal Again
-Flirt with Fiora
-Kidnap Fiora and make her my bride
-Execute plans for world Domination and Enslavement
-Do Yoga Program that Mother gave you
Hal then rips the sheet off of the pad and puts it into his pocket as well and he runs out of the office.
CUT TO:
INT. OFFICE BUILDING ñ BATHROOM
Jerry is at the sink trying to get the stain off his tie. He still has his alien face on.
We hear a FLUSH and someone comes out of the stalls. He goes to wash his hands and begins, but then is mortified and canÃt move from what heÃs seeing.
Jerry then looks up and sees the man, but then into the mirror.
JERRY
OhhhÖ
Jerry sees his face and then suddenly changes it back into a human face.
JERRY
(Laughing)
I must have looked like an idiot.
Jerry smiles and pats the man on the shoulder as if nothing were wrong.
The man is left mortified and unable to move.
CUT TO:
INT. HALÃS HOUSE ñ BASEMENT ñ NIGHT
HalÃs three friends, Cindy, Paul and Will are all sitting down on a couch, watching TV, drinking a beer.
Hal comes into the scene and sits down as well. He drinks a beer and begins watching what theyÃre all watching.
HAL
So JerryÃs an alien.
They all still watch the TV.
CINDY
That actually explains a lot.
PAUL
Bastard.
WILL
Now itÃll be weird working with him, knowing that and all.
HAL
He also kidnapped Fiora and heÃs planning to enslave all of earth with his bosses.
Everyone looks shocked.
Hal hands everyone the ìTo Doî list.
WILL
WonÃt that hurt moral in the office?
HAL
I donÃt give a ratÃs ass about moral! Guys, we have to do something!
CINDY
Well what do you propose we do? TheyÃre aliens Hal!
HAL
I donÃt know, but I canÃt let Jerry make Fiora his bride.
Suddenly thereÃs live breaking news on the television.
News Reporter
WeÃre sorry to interrupt the football game with this live breaking news. But aliens are invading earth. I repeat aliens are invading earth.
Several images go onto the screen of ships flying everywhere, destroying buildings and tanks from the army. Aliens are walking up and down streets in formation with ray guns, and firing at humans that oppose them.
News Reporter
ItÃs suspected that theyÃve been slowly invading our planet for years, using an insurance company, called A.E.E., or Aliens Enslaving Earth, and with the help of other humans and specialized DP Documents, theyÃve taken over several key institutes on the planet, leaving them in complete control. Not to mention they have friginà big ray guns. The mother ship appears to be hovering on top of the A.E.E. building, but the army has had no success in taking it down.
We see a clip of the mother ship on the A.E.E. building and tanks trying to shoot it down with no success.
News Reporter
The leader of these aliens has a message for all humans. ìWeÃre all screwedî
WILL
Well this sucksÖ
CUT TO:
INT. A.E.E. OFFICE BUILDING ñ HALÃS CUBICLE - DAY
Hal is working on his computer. Suddenly he decides to take a break and get some coffee. As he goes by, several aliens with ray guns pass him. He acts like this is normal. He then looks shifty eyes around and then runs to the exit.
CUT TO:
EXT. OFFICE BUILDING ñ ROOF ñ DAY
The door to the roof bashes open and all four of them run through and line up, looking up at the ship.
We see all four of them are combat ready. The three guys are wearing their ties on their foreheads like bandanas. TheyÃre all standing with confidence in their fighter stances. Will is holding a stapler, ready to shoot staples. Hal is holding a baseball bat. Paul is holding a keyboard, ready to use it as a bat, and Cindy is holding a mouse, holding it by the wire and twirling it around.
WILL
This is so Star Wars.
PAUL
So how do we do this?
HAL
WeÃre going to go inside. Paul, youÃre the tech guy, so naturally youÃre going to hack into the mainframe, do something fancy like in Independence Day and save the planet.
PAUL
Simple enough.
HAL
Will is going to go with you. Cindy will go with me and weÃll find Fiora, stop Jerry and whoever stands in our way, and then weÃll reconvene and then get the hell out of there.
CINDY
Sounds good, except for one thingÖ how do we get in there?
A beat.
HAL
I didnÃt really think that farÖ
WILL
What if we just taunt them? Get them angry. Make them suck us up. You know, they do their beam thing like in Star TrekÖ
CINDY
WouldnÃt they just blast us to oblivion if we pissed them off?
WILL (to ship)
Hey you stinking aliens! ThatÃs right! You stink! And youÃre ugly with your green slime oozing everywhere! I think youÃre mothers are cows and probably taste like them too!
CINDY
(Worried)
Shut up!
WILL
I fart in your general direction!
Will then turns around and bends over, but doesnÃt pull his pants down.
During this time Hal reaches into his pocket and remembers the stone. He pulls it out. He points it towards the ship, and it begins to glow and suddenly a beam engulfs them. They are sucked up.
CUT TO:
INT. ALIEN SHIP
Everything is colorful and strange. Some things seem to be alive and some seem to be technological. Things are alive and pulsating.
The four of them suddenly appear out of nowhere on the ship. Will is still bent over, but quickly gets up embarrassed. They look around at this strange new place.
HAL
Alright, now letÃs split up and do our thing.
CUT TO:
INT. ALIEN SHIP ñ HALLWAY
Paul and Will sneak down a dark hallway and quickly go against a wall to hide as two armed aliens walk by the perpendicular hallway. They didnÃt see the two humans.
Paul and Will then get up and run across that lit hallway to another dark hallway and hide around the corner.
WILL
I feel like Luke Skywalker right now. ìIÃm Luke Skywalker; IÃm here to rescue you. IÃm with Obi-Wan Kenobi.î
PAUL
Shut up or youÃll get us both killedÖ
Will sees something and points.
WILL
ThereÖ
They both walk up to it. ItÃs some sort of computer terminal with a screen and keyboard.
On a closer inspection Paul realizes that the keyboard has weird random symbols that he doesnÃt understand.
WILL
Looks like Aurebesh. The star wars symbols.
PAUL
So you can read it?
WILL
No stupid. Star Wars isnÃt real.
PAUL
Then shut the hell up and let me think.
Will sees that Paul is holding a keyboard for a weapon.
WILL
Why donÃt you just plug that in?
PAUL
(Frustrated)
Does it look like it has a USB port!?
WILL
Right there.
Paul looks, and like Will said, there was a USB port.
PAUL
OhÖ
He plugs it in and begins to type, and brings up several different windows on the screen.
CUT TO:
INT. ALIEN SHIP ñ MAIN DECK
Fiora is there, struggling as sheÃs restrained in some sort of force field. She seems weak. ThereÃs an alien there with a tie and white collar shirt. We can tell its Jerry. Jerry is sipping a cup of coffee.
JERRY
Oh donÃt worry. You wonÃt feel a thing. Once I suck your brains out to implant this new one that is.
Fiora hears this and she tries to scream, but she canÃt.
Hal and Cindy are in a small dark corner, listening to all of this. Hal wants to go out and attack Jerry, but Cindy pulls back.
Jerry leaves the room, sipping his cup of coffee.
Hal and Cindy suddenly run out of their dark corner into the empty room that looks like a strange lab with glass tubes and instruments everywhere.
Hal and Cindy go up to Fiora. Fiora looks confused, and a bit relieved.
HAL
DonÃt worry Fiora; weÃre going to get you out.
CINDY (to Hal)
How do we do that?
Hal looks around and looks at where the force field is being generated, and he takes his bat and hits it very hard.
Nothing. The bat just bounces off of it and the vibrations go to HalÃs hands and he cringes in pain. Hall tires again, but the same result, and again.
While Hall is doing this, Cindy goes behind the device and pulls out a plug from the socket. The force field breaks and Fiora falls.
FIORA
Oh Hal, youÃre my Hero. I thought I was going to die for sure.
HAL
(Lower voice)
A manÃs gotta do what a manÃs gotta do.
Cindy rolls her eyes.
CINDY
Hey Romeo, letÃs get out of here, shall we?
HAL
(Lower voice)
LetÃs blow this joint.
CINDY
Will you quit it with that?
HAL
Sorry.
The three of them run out of the room.
CUT TO:
INT. ALIEN SHIP ñ HALLWAY (ContÃd)
Paul is still typing at the computer with his keyboard.
PAUL
I donÃt know what I did, but I think I did it. Maybe.
WILL
How can you tell?
PAUL
That squiggly line goes with that squiggly line. And I think I just lined them up perfectly.
WILL
Do you have any idea what youÃre doing?
PAUL
Not a clue.
WILL
Alright thenÖ weÃre all screwed.
As Paul keeps typing, suddenly it goes to a blue crash screen from window saying ìYou have performed an illegal operation.î
Paul canÃt stand it and he yells out loud. He yanks his keyboard, ripping the cord, and starts to slam it onto the console over and over again.
PAUL
WhyÖ wonÃtÖ youÖ work!?!
Suddenly an alarm goes off and red lights flash on and off everywhere. Paul stops and they both look around confused.
WILL
What did you do?
Suddenly a recorded womanÃs voice is heard over the loud speakers in an alien language. ItÃs repeated in English.
Loud Speaker
The self-destruct sequence will initiate in 5 minutes and counting. Have a nice day.
PAUL
(Ecstatic)
We did it!
Both Paul and Will jump up and down in joy.
Suddenly two armed aliens see them.
Paul and Will scream and run down the hall as the ray guns fire at them.
CUT TO:
INT. ALIEN SHIP ñ HALLWAY
Cindy, Fiora and Hal are all running down a hallway when they suddenly meet up with Paul and Will running towards them.
PAUL
Run the other way!
The two armed guards suddenly appear around the corner and begin to fire, missing.
They all run down the hallway, turning and weaving and going everywhere. They hide around a corner and the guards pass them. They sigh in relief.
JERRY (o.c.)
So what is this, some sort of office party?
Jerry laughs.
They all turn around, mortified. ThereÃs Jerry holding a ray gun to them.
Suddenly Paul hits Jerry with his keyboard and Jerry falls to the ground.
PAUL
HowÃs that for DP reports?! BitchÖ
LOUD SPEAKER
The self-destruct sequence will initiate in 1 minute, so if youÃre planning to get off this piece of junk, I suggest doing it now before youÃre blow into oblivion. Have a nice day.
HAL
LetÃs go!
They all run down a corridor and find themselves where they started off. Hall pulls out his rock and it light up, and they disappear.
CUT TO:
EXT. OFFICE BIULDING ñ ROOF - DAY
They re-appear on the roof and they run down the stairs with all their might.
CUT TO:
EXT. STREETS - DAY
They run out of the building and onto the street finally arrive to the picket line where there are tanks and people everywhere.
Suddenly the ship explodes and the building is engulfed in a fiery explosion and collapses.
The crowd cheers in excitement.
HAL
We did it!
Hal and Fiora look at each other smiling, and they kiss.
Cindy and Paul look at each other, shrug, and kiss.
Will look around and sees a beautiful girl. He smiles and approaches her. She runs away in fear.
Suddenly news reporters and cameraÃs surround them. One reporter puts a microphone to the group.
REPORTER
HowÃs it feel to have saved the planet from all enslavement?
HAL
(Low voice)
ItÃs a tough job, but somebodyÃs gotta do it.
Hal smiles a cocky smile.
CUT TO:
Credits
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